In this episode:
- The characteristics of an emotionally intelligent person
- Developing a team’s EQ
- Combatting a compliant team
“We are being judged by a new yardstick, not just how smart we are or by our training and expertise- but also how well we handle ourselves and each other.“ Daniel Goleman
Leadership is relationships; Rockefeller said, “I will pay more for someone who can get along with people than someone who has a PhD. “
We have a tendency to hang our hats on our expertise, our training, our degree, our position… and really it’s more about how we handle ourselves and relate to one another.
We have to have Emotional Intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence Characteristics:
Self-Awareness: the ability to understand your moods and your emotions as well as your drive, and how that affects others.
Self-Regulation: the ability to experience control or redirect destructive impulses, to suspend one’s judgment.
Motivation: you have a passion for your work, beyond money and status.
Empathy: the ability to understand the emotional make-up of other people, to be able to treat people according to their emotional reactions.
Social Skills: being able to manage relationships and build networks.
Every leader needs to make these characteristics part of their toolbox. Leaders have to have it to be able to lead others there.
Developing our teams:
The most common dysfunction among teams is compliance. We have been more concerned with getting through the agenda than getting everybody’s buy in. People comply to get a check or keep a job, but don’t buy in with their hearts.
Compliance means that not everyone is being understood or there is a lack of commitment.
If the leader is does not have a strong emotional intelligence, they will not be able to handle members of the team disagreeing with them- they will search for compliance not buy in.
As leaders we think that people nodding their heads means we have commitment, but we don’t. We have to be emotionally strong to deal with the riggers of disagreement.
Leaders have to maintain their emotional intelligence to be able to stay strong, ask yourself daily
“How am I doing emotionally?”
“Am I angry? Am I sad?”
“What am I fearful of?”
I have to be able to evaluate my emotional health so I can invite feedback, because if I am not emotionally healthy, I am not inviting feedback.
This gives permission for everyone to give feedback and disagree. If you don’t give that permission it leads to the “meeting after the meeting”, to people discussing with others after rather than sharing what they think in the meeting.
A leader needs to be vulnerable to invite feedback. It gives permission to not have the answer or be wrong.
How to Combat a Compliant Team:
Encourage healthy and robust discussion– we are not just going to sit here and look at each other. You have to constantly encourage others to open up and for everyone to receive it well.
Encourage others to get to know one another– if I only know you just from meetings, I probably won’t have a good view of you. I won’t understand you and see you as a human.
Monitor the mood in the room– dwell on the positives and address the negatives. It doesn’t have to be a balance, but it does have to lean towards the positive.
Leadership is not all about making decisions; it’s about developing people and bringing out the best in them. That is why I have to be the best me and constantly be working on my emotional intelligence.
What do you do when your team really knows you?
You have to have an honest evaluation about yourself; it is one thing for your team to see it, another for you to. Be honest with your team. Most people do not expect perfection from a leader; they just expect honesty and vulnerability.
If at the end of a meeting if you are not a little bit frustrated or a little bit tired, you didn’t have a meeting.
This is not only true in the workplace; this is true in the home. You have to be honest when you make mistakes. Kids aren’t looking for perfect parents; they are looking for genuine parents.
- Evaluate yourself
- Meet openly and honestly with your team
- Go through the 12 Questions to Develop Your Team
12 Questions for your team to understand and raise the EQ level.
- How well do we know ourselves?
- How honest and realistic are we about our own strengths and weaknesses?
- How do we manage and control those feelings instead of letting them control us?
- How flexible are we in handling change?
- How good are we at motivating ourselves, persisting, hanging in there, and gearing up – even when the going gets tough?
- Do we see the glass as half full or half empty?
- How good are we at sensing how others are feeling?
- Are we empathetic?
- Can we control our feelings and remain attuned and focused on the other person’s perspective?
- Are we good at relationships?
- What sort of interpersonal skills do we have?
- Can we lead others, influence them, resolve conflicts, and collaborate and co-operate with people?