In this episode:
- Self Regulation is all about staying in control of your self, it integrates the components of flexibility and personal accountability
- People who are able to perfect this are able to understand their impulse behaviors and keep them under control and use them in a positive way- enabling them to lead more effectively
- Controlling emotions does not mean becoming a robot or hiding feelings, it means being able to leverage emotions.
James Dobson – Emotions Can you Trust Them?
Emotions are like nerve endings, they tell us something is happening, but we don’t have to be controlled by them. We need to process them so they can lead us to a productive ending.
Why are we working on this? Why focus on self regulation?
Leadership begins with ourself. The better we lead ourselves the better we can lead the team we have. Leading is about having influence; to have influence you have to have strong relationship. Lack of emotional control results in outbursts that lose respect and influence.
What if I am the person who doesn’t have outbursts? Does that mean my emotions are in check?
There’s outward aggressiveness and then there’s passive aggressiveness. Just because we are not expressing them it does not mean they are not there. We all have emotions.
When I am a busy leader with a full calendar is it really that important that I set aside time to work on me?
Dwight is adamant that it is huge – it is so important. A Harvard researcher writes about leadership and says we should spend 50% of our time working on ourselves. Self regulation makes us more attractive to other people – people want to follow us.
In Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Daniel Goleman identifies 5 emotional competencies for us to self regulate:
- Self Control – Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check. Just because it comes across your brain waves doesn’t mean it needs to be said or acted upon
- Trustworthiness – Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity. We all need to work on this. A huge part of your trustworthiness is owning mistakes.
- Contentious – Taking responsibility for personal performance. Being aware of what’s going and and owning what needs owned.
- Adaptability – Accepting change. We all love growth but we hate change. We have to get out of our comfort zones.
- Innovation – Being comfortable with new approaches and new information and open to new ideas.
People are looking for courage. They are looking for confidence. This only happens through self leadership. Better leaders make a better world, and better leadership start with you.
Resources and Links
- Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
- Emotions: Can You Trust Them?: The Best-Selling Guide to Understanding and Managing Your Feelings of Anger, Guilt, Self-Awareness and Love
NEXT ACTION STEPS:
- Schedule some time alone and ask yourself, ‘How do I handle my emotions?’.
- Rehearse some of the conversations you need to have.
- On a regular basis ask yourself, ‘What do I need to do better?’ and ‘What am I doing well?’.
- Look at your todo list. What has been on there too long?